I have had a gross few days, not in a particularly stressful or busy way but in a literally gross way. Make me gag, run screaming like a child, and then gag again sort of way.
Friday: The kids woke up on time and were ready to go with plenty of time so Drew and Bridget colored a few pictures while Sam packed his lunch. I went to look at Drew’s masterpiece and noticed that he was kneeling about a foot away from dog poop and hadn’t noticed…awesome. Apparently our new puppy, Coby, had pooped during the night. Bridget had poop duty last week so she “helped” me clean it up.
After dropping the kids at school, we went to the farm for a few minutes, then played with Coby outside before bringing him in. Sometime between letting him in the house and putting my shoes away, the stupid dog vomited all over the carpet. A lot. It was gross and yucky and I had not put anyone on vomit duty so I got the joy of cleaning it up.
Later, Bridget, Coby and I walked to pick up the boys at school because they had requested that I bring him in to their classrooms. We went to Drew’s first grade classroom where all of the kids were very excited and everyone, including Coby, behaved very well.
Drew then walked with us down to Sam’s third grade classroom where the entire class engulfed us at the door. I greeted the teacher then scanned the crowd for Sam…couldn’t find him. He is little and polite so I scanned the group again but still no sign of him. Finally I made eye contact with his teacher, who was fighting her way through the students to get to the dog, and she informed me that Sam was in the nurse’s office. I sent Drew to check on him, made the kids sit at their desks, and we made the rounds. When Sam and Drew reentered the classroom, I noticed that Sam looked very pale but assumed he just didn’t feel good and told the teacher I would take him home a couple of minutes early.
Because I’m an awesome mom, we then stopped in the office so that Bridget could show the principal her dog and we visited for a few minutes before heading outside where I finally asked Sam what was wrong. “I just threw up in the nurse’s office.” Crap, another entry for Mom of the Year. Luckily, our neighbor was there and could drive him home while Bridget, Drew, Coby and I hurried, without running because we honestly can’t keep up with the dog at full speed, to help Sam when we got home.
We got him settled on the couch with an empty ice cream bucket and a cartoon and I attempted to finish up some platters of fruits and veggies for a Christmas party that night. I walked back to the living room to check on sicky and found him with his head buried in the bucket, quietly puking his little guts out. Ugh but thank goodness he made it in the bucket. I must tell you, however, that he needs to chew his food a little better. I took the bucket like a good mommy, stifled my gag reflex until I got out of the room, and went to clean it out. Sam chased me to the bathroom, tried to throw up in the toilet but didn’t have time to lift the seat. Yep, he puked all over my new Christmas toilet seat. And because he is Sam, he cried and apologized….poor thing. I got him cleaned up and settled on the rug in the bathroom because he didn’t want to move any further than that, then gagged and choked while cleaning everything up.
The poor little dude continued to throw up about every 10 minutes for the next few hours; every sip of water or Gatorade just came right back out but he was so thirsty that he kept begging for a drink. It was awful and there was absolutely nothing I could do to make him feel better; literal and figurative yuck.
Saturday: I spent the morning steam cleaning the floors, washing blankets, scrubbing surfaces, and chasing Sam with Clorox wipes. No puking on Saturday! Plus I got to visit 2 stores by myself and purchase some organizational supplies- yay!
Saturday evening, however, I had to conquer my fears out of love for my nieces and nephew and attempt to feed their disgusting and creepy lizards. Oh Lord. Sam and Drew wouldn’t even go out to the house with me so Bridget and I made our intrepid way out to the farm. Feeding the lizards required capturing live crickets of various sizes and releasing them into 3 separate tanks. No thank you. My niece Morgan also showed me how I could give her giant creepy lizard some special treats: either a squirmy, gag-inducing meal worm that is feed to the lizard with tweezers or a live cockroach that I could just pick up and put in the tank. Again, no thank you.
Instead, I made Blair come into the house, showed him what to do and stood back while he encouraged Bridget to help him. She is my daughter, unfortunately, and dropped the cricket bag and backed away quickly. Ooops. Blair was not impressed with any of us but the lizards were thankful he was there or they might have starved.
Sunday: No puking on Sunday! Bridget scared me a little during supper Sunday night by telling me her tummy hurt and not wanting to eat but she made it thought the night with no vomiting. I did, however, spend the evening cleaning up dog pee. He has really done pretty well but apparently this particular pee is magical and the smell of it has attached itself to the carpet in such a way that it cannot be removed without a spell of some sort. If only Hermione would come and wave her wand…instead I will continue to spray, scrub and curse.
Monday: No puking on Monday but I might have preferred it. Ick….here it comes, the grand finale…are you ready?
After our unabashedly lazy weekend, I decided to get some cleaning and organizing done in the basement. I asked the boys to pick up all of their Legos and Star Wars guys so Coby could safely be in the basement and started working. Suddenly Sam shouted, “Mom, Coby has something in his mouth!” Oh how I wish I had ignored him but I wanted to be a good dog owner and called Coby over and opened his mouth to see what treat he had found. It looked sort of like a piece of a Star Wars ship so I dug my fingers in and pulled it out only to realize that it was a small, dehydrated, and clearly long-dead mouse. Oh holy crap.
It is possible that my reaction was not entirely grown-up but I will let you be the judge. I screamed, dropped the mouse, flapped my hands around for a moment to magically disperse the yuckiness, then ran up the stairs, calling the dog after me. He snatched up the disgustingness and thankfully ran out the open door to the backyard to enjoy his treat in solitude. I scrubbed my hands clean for a couple of minutes while continuing to ignore the kids who were giggling and asking what was wrong. When I was finally able to speak coherently, Drew was very interested in the seeing the baby mouse; I regrettably informed him that it was probably in Coby’s belly. Yuck and double yuck.
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